Set 4 - Quarter 2

The Ex of my Ex is My Lover

Hiya from SapphicSavvy HQ!

I just love the smell of fresh tea, and good thing for us we have a fresh brewed batch of it from the responses this week! Sit down and get comfortable, it’s time to chat.

Firstly, let’s talk about the fact that we hit over 1000 users in the app this week! That’s amazing! We’re growing our community and if you know of any other sapphics, please invite them to the app! If they use your referral code (which can be found in the settings of the app), then you can get bonus points that go towards your score for the set 👀 no small thing considering we’re talking about a couple hundred dollars on the line!

But enough of that, let’s get on to what the people wanna know: the results.

The L Word (not the show)

We’ve all googled how long you should wait before saying “I love you” in a new relationship. “Oh, but Ms. Savvy!! I haven’t!” you say, to which I respond: well maybe you should try googling this one right now bc we need an intervention STAT. Tell me why over 60% of users have said I love you less than one (1) month into a relationship? Y’all. I know the feelings are big, I get it. But, at the risk of sounding like an evil Disney movie parent rn, you don’t know that person one month in baby.

Listen, I’m not trying to shit on you and your new relationship, but this is just a reminder that it’s okay to take it a little more slowly! Give it, like, a month and a day. Dare I say two. Wait at least one rent payment cycle before saying I love you, idk.

Ah, the emotional throes of youth. Feelings feel more intense, life starts coming at you quickly, and the executive function is still developing. I want to say that it makes sense that saying I love you before the one-month mark was more common among younger users, but then I would’ve expected older users to report similar levels while they were young too. Have you forgotten what it was to be young? Or is it genuinely just more common now?

Let’s assume both are true. Walk with me for a second. To older users, I say, remember the repressed memories of being foolhardy and caught up in the moment—don’t block it out just because it can feel embarrassing now. To younger users, I say, I too grew up watching great love stories in movies, and you are so brave for wearing your heart on your sleeve. But the line between bravery and folly is thin. Know thyself.

Lesbian and queer users: we’re hitting Icarian levels of emotional hastiness.

Bisexual users: you’re holding down the fort.

I can only speculate on the difference. It could be due to different intergroup norms within the sapphic community, or maybe a decreased tendency to quickly profess love for new partners who are not sapphic themselves. Who’s to say.

Now look, how we feel and express love is personal and beautiful, and all jokes aside, you do whatever you feel like. Just keep in mind your own habits and intentions when it comes to professing love quickly, as there are times when this can be unhealthy, and our goal is to promote healthy living in the sapphic community. Expressing love exists on a scale. From less than one month to over several years lies a wide window in which you can choose to say I love you to another person for the first time. Maybe aim for somewhere between the two ends of the spectrum.

The Ex of my Ex is my Lover

🚨🚨🚨✨MESSY DIVA ALERT 💅✨🚨🚨🚨

To the roughly 16% of you who said you’ve hooked up with an ex’s ex 🤭 I need to hear the stories. Was it a will-they-won’t-they situation? Did you find out by accident? Was it planned? Or did you just click and realize y’all had a lot of things in common (notably, y’all’s ex)? Please share with us, my reality TV isn’t cutting it anymore.

If you’re a millennial, you have some explaining to doooooo. I feel like that was more the era though, like I see this as a very common trope in sapphic media from the 2000s, was that part of it? I’m not sure the excuse can be that there weren’t as many options for sapphics back then bc the average was lower for people 40+. Tell it to meeeeee 🤗

Relatively more stable results across identity groups. Minor differences could maybe be explained by dating pool (bigger for bisexual people and therefore less overlap, maybe more limited and subsequently more overlap for queer people depending on preferences), or due to chance. It’s small though, we’re talking about a couple percentage points, so I won’t read too much into it. Very high estimates across the board though, which I think bespeaks the interest behind hearing stories of this happening. All I’m saying is that if this has happened to you, the SapphicSavvy community wants to know. I’m nosy.

Getting Wasted (or are we?)

We asked about how many drinks people had on the night they drank the most in the past month, and our users were getting crazyyyyyy. Or were they 🤨

The average number of drinks users had on their heaviest drinking night in the past month was around 3 drinks! I feel like this is actually a very good win! The stereotype of sapphics being big drinkers (and subsequently experiencing a lot of consequences related to drinking heavily) is one we take really seriously, and we were happily surprised to see that over half of users reported having 2 or fewer drinks on the night they drank the most this month! We’re keeping it very cute, very demure over here!

We saw a minor trend with younger age groups having slightly higher averages, but all of them rounded to 3. I know I’ve said this before, but if you’re in the 20s-and-under group, the days of your ability to hold a hangover at bay are numbered and will meet its downfall sooner than you expect. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Very comparable numbers across identity group! This is a good thing too, as historically there have been some differences within the sapphic community on this, so seeing this level out is great!

Ultimately, we overestimated how much people drink on their maximum occasion by a decent amount, and it’s important to once again recognize that we tend to see and remember the outliers, and subsequently we mistake them as being more common than they are. And if you don’t drink (or drink very little), you’re in good company :)

That’s all I have for you today! This was a good chat. Let’s do it again sometime!

XOXO SapphicSavvy

Some additional readings for those interested:

The ILY Timeline:

Dating an Ex’s Ex:

Sapphic Drinking Rates:

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