Hello from SapphicSavvy!

Set 10, Quarter 1. The first Quarter of the last Set of Heat 1. This week: shared pets, sex toys, podcasts, and the vibe check at the door.

Let's go.

🐾 Joint Custody

Who gets the dog? Around here, sometimes the answer is "both of us, every other weekend."

19% of users have co-parented a pet with an ex.

Y'all guessed 39%. That's double.

Lesbian 24%, bisexual 6%, queer 16%.

You guessed for your own identity group:

• Lesbians guessed 41%. Real: 24%.

• Queer users guessed 38%. Real: 16%.

• Bisexual users guessed 36%. Real: 6%.

Everyone overshot. Bi users guessed nearly six times their real number. Six percent of 32 people is two people. Two bisexual users are out there splitting a cat with an ex, and the group pictured a third of itself doing it. That one's going in the Thread.

The lesbian number is the stereotype working as advertised. In Set 8 Quarter 4, 34% of you said you'd U-Hauled with someone you'd dated three months or less. Somebody in that truck was holding a dog bed. And when it ends, sapphic exes tend to stick around. A 2017 study by Griffith and colleagues found LGBTQ+ people were more likely than straight people to be friends with an ex, and had more of those friendships over their lifetimes. Set 5 Quarter 4 said the same thing about us: this community is way less strict about exes than straight culture.

Also, a ruling from the archives. Back in Set 5 Quarter 2, our original correspondent banned texting your ex, with exemptions for "long-term friend, co-parent, shared phone plan, you name it." She probably thought "co-parent" was a niche loophole. One in five of you qualify.

For comparison, here's how it usually goes. In a 2025 MetLife survey of 1,000 pet owners, 29% had been through a breakup while sharing a pet. Of those, just 6% went for shared custody. Usually one person keeps the pet and the other gets updates secondhand (13% admitted to checking an ex's social media for news about the pet). A California law that took effect in 2019 lets divorce courts consider "the care of the pet animal" and set up shared custody. Alaska and Illinois have similar laws. But those are for divorces. Most sapphic pet custody gets worked out over text. No judge needed.

Late teens 5%, 20s 14%, 30s 25%, 40s+ 25%.

Each age group guessed for its identity group: late teens 32%, 20s 41%, 30s 41%, 40s+ 39%.

The real numbers climb and then flatten out. That makes sense. You need a pet, an ex, and a breakup friendly enough to share a pet after, and that takes years to collect. MetLife found the same staircase: 37% of boomers and Gen X had broken up while sharing a pet, compared with 18% of Gen Z. And our late teens' 5% is one person. To that one late teen: you're very advanced, and we have questions.

🔋 Batteries Included

When the typical user has sex with a partner, a toy shows up 42% of the time.

Y'all guessed 50%.

Lesbian 47%, bisexual 26%, queer 39%.

You guessed for your own identity group:

• Lesbians guessed 51%. Real: 47%.

• Queer users guessed 50%. Real: 39%.

• Bisexual users guessed 41%. Real: 26%.

Lesbians came closest and came in highest. Almost half their encounters include a toy.

Most research only asks whether you've ever used one. A 2009 Indiana University study found 52.5% of U.S. women ages 18 to 60 had ever used a vibrator, and nearly one in four had used one in the past month. (It was funded by the company that makes Trojan condoms, for the record.) A 2011 study of more than 2,000 women who have sex with women found over three-quarters had used a vibrator. Autostraddle's lesbian sex survey of 13,000+ queer women found 55% of respondents in relationships use vibrators during sex, and 59% called themselves strap-on fans.

So "ever tried it" is pretty standard for us. What we measured is how often. For lesbians, it's about every other time. At that rate the toy basically has a reserved seat.

Bi users came in lowest, at about one encounter in four. My guess is the dating pool again, like we've said in past Sets. If some of your partners are men, toys aren't built into that script the same way. Straight couples needed a whole news cycle to get comfortable with the idea (one NBC headline from that era: "Vibrators boost sexual satisfaction, don't intimidate men"). Bi users also guessed 41% for their own group. Thread.

Late teens 33%, 20s 44%, 30s 50%, 40s+ 34%.

Each age group guessed for its identity group: late teens 50%, 20s 53%, 30s 50%, 40s+ 45%.

The 30s guessed 50.4%. Their real number was 50.25%. They were technically guessing about their identity group and not their age group, but still. Respect.

And yes, the 30s are in first place again. In Set 4 Quarter 1, more than half of them said they'd used the same toy with multiple partners. Set 5 Quarter 2 said they own the most toys. Now a toy is in half their encounters. Add it to the list: 3+ orgasms in a session, squirting, polyamory, calling home 12 days a month, most ink, most plaid, and now most toy time.

The late teens and the 40s+ landed at almost the same number (33% and 34%). Same number, very different reasons, I assume.

🎧 Queers in Our Ears

The typical user listened to 1.25 different podcasts with sapphic hosts last month.

Y'all guessed 2.4. Nearly double again.

Lesbian 1.3, bisexual 0.7, queer 1.4.

You guessed for your own identity group:

• Lesbians guessed 2.2. Real: 1.3.

• Queer users guessed 2.5. Real: 1.4.

• Bisexual users guessed 2.8. Real: 0.7.

Bi users gave the highest guess of any group, about four times their real number, which was the lowest. You know where this is going.

Queer users came out on top, but there's an asterisk. At least two people listened to 15 different sapphic-hosted podcasts last month. Here's how we know they're both queer: the highest lesbian answer was 10, and the highest bi answer was 5. One of the 15s is in their 20s and the other is in their 30s, so it's two different people. Take them out and queer users drop to under 0.9, and lesbians move into first. To our two 15s: when do you sleep, and can you please send the list.

Late teens 0.9, 20s 1.2, 30s 1.2, 40s+ 1.5.

Each age group guessed for its identity group: late teens 2.2, 20s 2.4, 30s 2.2, 40s+ 2.6.

The 40s+ listen the most. That lines up with the national numbers. Edison Research's Infinite Dial 2026 found 58% of Americans 12 and up listen to or watch a podcast every month, and 45% do it weekly. Adults 35 to 54 are at 68%. The fastest growth is older listeners: 58% of people 55+ are monthly podcast consumers now, up from 38% a year ago.

So most Americans have a podcast habit. Most of ours just doesn't have a sapphic host in it. Back in 2015, Autostraddle put out a list of 12 podcasts hosted by queer women "in the interest of telling the world we want more queers in our ears." Ten years later, the typical user has about one in rotation. If you host a sapphic podcast, the typical listener clearly has room in her queue. If you have a favorite, put it in the chat. I'm building a queue.

👀 The Vibe Check

Sincere beat, on purpose.

64% of users have felt judged or rejected in a sapphic community space.

Y'all guessed 50%. This is the only question this week where we guessed too low.

Lesbian 66%, bisexual 63%, queer 60%.

You guessed for your own identity group:

• Lesbians guessed 48%. Real: 66%.

• Bisexual users guessed 53%. Real: 63%.

• Queer users guessed 52%. Real: 60%.

Every group undershot. Lesbians missed by the most, by 18 points.

The usual story is that sapphic spaces are hardest on bi women, and that story has data behind it. In a 2024 survey of 2,000+ users of HER (the LBQ dating app), 40% of bisexual respondents said they feel invisible in LGBTQ+ spaces. Our bi users came in at 63%, so it's real. But lesbians reported it a little more, and all three groups are within six points of each other.

This should sound familiar. In Set 6 Quarter 3, bi users came in 20 points lower than everyone else on being told their identity was "just a phase," even though they guessed highest. That post said biphobia and homophobia don't always look the same. Same here. Being judged in our own spaces isn't one group's problem. We didn't ask what people got judged for. Probably a little of everything.

Research outside the U.S. shows it doesn't land evenly, either. Stonewall's 2018 survey of 5,000+ LGBT people in Britain found 51% of Black, Asian, and minority ethnic LGBT people had faced discrimination from others in their local LGBT community, and 36% of trans people had too. We don't break our data down by race or gender identity, but those numbers are worth keeping in mind.

Late teens 59%, 20s 70%, 30s 51%, 40s+ 72%.

Each age group guessed for its identity group: late teens 52%, 20s 55%, 30s 48%, 40s+ 46%.

The 40s+ gave the lowest guess and had the highest real number. A 26-point miss. The 40s+ have been underselling their own experience since Set 8: U-Haul, age gaps, trans friends. This time they undersold something that hurts. Part of it is that this is an "ever" question, and more years means more rooms. But there's also a whole body of research on older lesbians feeling invisible in queer spaces built around younger crowds. One paper is literally titled "Now You See Me." The 30s came in lowest at 51%. I don't have a tidy reason for that one. The 30s keep winning things, and this is a win I'll take.

An Autostraddle comic put it simply: "We're queer because we know and say that we are — not because we satisfy a series of credentials." Nobody should have to show credentials at the door of a sapphic space.

If you've felt this, look around the room next time. About two-thirds of it has felt it too. Which also means some of us have done the judging. Next time you're at a sapphic event, say hi to the person standing alone by the snacks. And if you want to talk about a time it happened to you, our chat is open.

🧵 The Thread

Here's how the guesses went this week:

• Pet custody: guessed 39%, real 19%. Double.

• Toys: guessed 50%, real 42%. Too high.

• Podcasts: guessed 2.4, real 1.25. Nearly double.

• Feeling judged: guessed 50%, real 64%. Too low.

Three overs and one under. That's the same shape as Set 9 Quarter 3. We overcount what's loud and undercount what's quiet. "We have the dog on weekends" is a story people tell at parties. Toys are all over the internet. Podcast hosts literally get paid to be heard. Feeling judged in a sapphic space doesn't turn into a story at all. You don't announce it. You leave early, and maybe you don't come back. So everyone who felt it figures they're the exception. 64% says they're the rule.

In Set 8 Quarter 3, I said this community keeps imagining itself as more damaged than the data shows. Most weeks that's still true. This week found the exception, and it's the one that matters most: we pictured our own spaces as kinder than they've actually been to us.

Four running storylines:

• Bisexual users overshot their own group again. Pets (36% guessed vs. 6% real), toys (41% vs. 26%), and podcasts (2.8 vs. 0.7). That's four weeks running. It's a group of 32 people, but to quote Set 9 Quarter 2: babes, look at your own data.

• The queer users' streak is over. Tattoos to within 0.04, flannels to within 0.02. This week they guessed 38% on pets and the real number was 16%. Back to guessing like the rest of us. (They were the closest group on the hard question, though.)

• The 30s keep winning things. Most toy time, tied for most shared pets, and the least likely to have felt judged. Plus a toy guess that was off by less than a fifth of a point.

• The 40s+ undersold themselves again, this time on something painful. They guessed 46% and the real number was 72%.

So here's the real typical sapphic of Set 10 Quarter 1. She probably doesn't share a pet with her ex, but if she's a lesbian there's a one-in-four chance she does. A toy shows up about two out of every five times she has sex with a partner. She has one sapphic podcast in rotation. And at some point she's felt judged in a room full of people like her. So has the person standing next to her.

Say hi to her. Honestly? That's what the room is for.

Set 10 is the last Set of Heat 1. Go play it.

XOXO SapphicSavvy

P.s. here's some additional reading if you're so inclined:

Joint Custody:

https://www.metlifepetinsurance.com/who-keeps-the-dog/

https://aldf.org/article/californias-new-pet-custody-law-differentiates-companion-animals-from-other-types-of-property/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/inclusive-insight/202109/are-lgbtq-people-more-likely-stay-friends-their-exes

Batteries Included:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090629100643.htm

https://pure.psu.edu/en/publications/prevalence-and-characteristics-of-vibrator-use-among-women-who-ha/

https://www.autostraddle.com/how-do-lesbians-have-sex-288982/

Queers in Our Ears:

https://www.autostraddle.com/12-podcasts-hosted-by-queer-women-for-your-queer-ears-307630

https://www.podderapp.com/post/podcast-audience-statistics

https://www.tubefilter.com/2026/03/20/edison-research-infinite-dial-video-podcast-report/

The Vibe Check:

https://gcn.ie/bisexual-people-feel-invisible-survey-reveals/

https://www.equallyours.org.uk/stonewall-report-lgbt-in-britain-home-and-communities/

https://www.autostraddle.com/oh-hey-its-alyssa-52-queer-enough-426947/

https://core.ac.uk/download/77048.pdf